untitled

This post is untitled cause I don't know how to compress my feelings into one word...or a sentence...
I don't know exactly how I'm feeling actually...
I want him soo badly...
but I know I can't...
I really truly want him...
I want him to want me back...
but I just know it'll never happen...
because even if he did nothing could ever happen between us...
there's a silent vow between us...
I don't know if it was actually made...
but it's there...
I wanna cry because I can't tell him how I feel...
I can't tell anyone...and it's eating me up from inside...
It's like everything I've ever felt decided to attack me all at once...
This few days has been a wave of emotions...(and it's not PMS guys...==)
When I think of him and the times we spent and the things we talked about...
I feel like nothing matters but him...
Then I realize that everything matters...
Everything...because it's everything that is holding me back...
I wanna just crawl into a hole and wish everything away...
I want to close my eyes and when I open it realize everything is just as it should be...perfect...
I wanna listen to the sweet tune of the music box and know I'm safe...
I wanna feel his arms around me when I need someone...
I wanna hear him saying everything is going to be fine everything is going to work out...
I want to be able to smile and mean it like I used to...
I want to be able to say something and mean it...
I want to look at someone in the eyes and tell them what I really think...
I just want to be happy...
But unfortunately the world doesn't really give a damn about my happiness...
So I'll just have to cope...even if I don't want to...
I really truly want him...
And I really truly want to tell him...
I've wanted him for a very long time...
I kept trying to suppress my feelings but it keeps coming back...
But if there's one thing that can stop me it's the possibility of another heartache...
Maybe we're just not meant to be...

I received a call last night about a friend...
And I started thinking about it...
I love my friends...and I am sure that at that time they truly loved me as well...
I don't know why some things changed but I'm glad it did...
Because if it didn't then I wouldn't have been able to learn that love isn't something you can let go off so easily...
I know this probably doesn't make any sense anymore...
But I just wanna say I love them...
If they decide to stop loving me I'm fine with that but I won't stop loving them...
No exceptions...
Anyways I just wanted to say...
I don't care if u hate me or u think little of me...
Or if I'm the world to...
Or maybe if u think I stopped caring...
Because I can't stop caring for people I love...
So yea just come to me when u need help I'll be here...

Got it hun??

Don't go running off to some bar and hoping to drink it off...
At least call me so I can make sure u get to sleep in a bed safely...
And NOT get lost, run out of gas and sleep in the car...==

Okay this also mean my schoolmates...
Not just my shopping partners...
Even though my schoolmates are too young to drink and/or drive...
don't go playing pitiful suicidal girl...
it's not fun...trust me I should know...

I got addicted to the song You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift...
Whenever I hear that song I feel sad and happy all together...
The purpose of this post is actually cause I just wanted to say thanks to my friends who helped me at my time of need...
And even if the world don't give a damn abt my happiness...
at least my friends will give it their all to cheer me up...
I love them...I hope that someday maybe the clouds will clear up...
And this conflict between us will end...