Would You Hate Me If I Said I've Actually Been In Love With You All This Time??

I have a friend...
despite all the guys I have had a crush on...
He is still my number one...
problem is he doesn't know it...
And I can't let him know...
Cause I don't know how he'll react...
What if we can't be friends anymore??...
I don't want that...
I'm writing this in tears...
Why??...
I don't know...
PMS i guess...
Suddenly talking about him to Ephraim probably triggered it...>.<
I feel so stupid...
Why are men so dense!!?? >.<
How can he not realize??...
After so fucking long...
How can he make me so happy and so sad at the same time...??
How can he talk to me so casually when I'm a nervous wreck!...??
How can he make me want to laugh and cry...??
How can he just not care sometimes!...??
Does he not know it crushes me...??
How can I Love and Hate him at the same time...??
How can I let myself feel this way...??
How can I be so stupid...??
How can I let him through just like that...??
arghh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-xxxx-

I've gotta set myself straight...
Know that a "we" with him is impossible...