fed up

I seriously fed up with life already...
I'm just waiting to die now...
I feel like everything I do and everything I've ever done is pointless...
I've cried and sucked it in...
I've put up a big smile for everyone around me...
I've listen when I was needed to listen...
And I've cared for when care was needed...
But everything I've done doesn't matter...
Because the only thing to matters is her...
No matter if she's at fault or I am...
I'm always the one to blame...
Am I easy to blame?? Is that y??
She places all her faults unto me...
And she keeps saying she's weak and is always the victim...
But she keeps victimizing me...
Her convincing act that she had her whole life to practice on...
Even my friends turn on me...
She comes to me when she needs help...
And also comes to me when she needs a scapegoat...
Is this the price I wonder...
When you try to care for ppl...
When u try to be selfless...
Because if it is...
Den I guess to spare myself from the pain I need to be selfish...
But is it really worth it??
I dunno anymore I'm fed up with everything...
I wanna work things out...
But if things keep going wrong...
Den whats the point of working things out...
So u can have bits and pieces of happiness??
But one BIG lump of unhappiness??
I sometimes wonder...
That maybe if I was a little bit selfish...
Would things actually be better??...
Ally told me to think about myself as well as others...
Coz recently I've been emo-ing by myself...
so after she told me that I started complaining about myself...
But they don't seem to like it...
Dey get moody when I tell dem...
Like I shouldn't tell them these things...
Like I should be told of these things instead of telling dem...
So I complain more to this guy fren...
But wad did i expect from sumone like him...
Of course he'd side dem as well...
I should change dey all say
but everytime i do dey change dey're mind as well...
I don't know wad to do anymore...
Change for the better...
Stop complaining about everything...
Don't be so negative...
Ok I try...
I complain less...
Try to be by myself so I won't complain as much...
I get moody when im not noticing ppl around...
and get emo...
my mood changes and dey dun like it...
I try and fake a smile dey're happi...
so i continue...
but then dey complain I dun tell dem anything...
What am I supposed to do in this situation??...
NOTHING...absolutely nothing...
jz let it continue...
Until one day I snap...
Dat day is today...
I've snapped and I'm gonna do what I want from now on...
I'm sorri If this post offends some people...
But I can't help it...
If I don't say it here...
Den I'll feel horrible...
And if u really think I'm ur fren u wouldn't mind...
So yea...dats it...
If u wanna think of it as me crapping...
Then by all means do...
I don't care...

Fed Up and Confused...
Sarah

p.s. Thx Charles only you can cheer me up so fast...